what love is

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.

- Captain Corelli's Mandolin

One of the most beautiful and challenging episodes that has ever happened to me is loving another person. And I mean that in the truest meaning of the word “love”.

It is beautiful because, automatically, every moment of your life --- be it the most irritating or the most mundane, ordinary event --- can be shared with that one person. I discovered that there was so much of the world that I appreciated more ever since.

You also get to share the best parts of yourself...the more patient, giving, understanding and tolerant parts of you. You get to share, without shame or embarrassment, your stories and histories, your dreams and your future. And I discovered that the more I liked him, the better I liked myself.

Loving also, can make us grow outwards from ourselves. It expands all possibilities, showing you more of what you can do and achieve. You are no longer just one person who can accomplish something. But also be that person who encourages another being to become more. This constant encouragement from both sides (and probably the security felt that in case you fall face flat on the ground, somebody will wipe the dirt off your face) makes boundaries for you both seemingly nonexistent.

Love is challenging, too, because when most of the kilig and novelty and romance have gone, you have to work doubly harder to make sure that your commitment stays true. It’s not always that you love another person with the same intensity each and everyday. There may be times that are SO frustrating that walking away would be the much easier thing to do. But true love helps you stay put, not out of pity, but in anticipation of better times (love also gives you this hope that there WILL be better times).

And how does stay committed, how can you stay put? By constantly rediscovering those small things that you like about him. And no matter how long you’ve been together, I think, there will always be that little something --- a moment or a smile or a word --- that will speak of love. And that little something, multiplied by a million thoughts of forgiveness (for both him and yourself), is what will keep your relationship afloat. Love works because it is ALWAYS kind enough to give us the chance to change ourselves and become better people.

Lastly, because of love, I’ve learned to laugh and smile more. (Probably cry, too, but what counts is that there is always a smile at the end.) Laugh at the world and laugh, mostly, at myself. Because I think that love is ultimately kind and takes the world lightly.

I never thought I NEEDED to love somebody. But when it did come, I discovered a life richer in meaning and experience. And whatever the ending is, I will be forever grateful.