on having four jobs and still counting...

The journey is everything.
- from "Jerry Maguire"

I’ve been working for 5 years already. I graduated last 2001 with a degree in Psychology. My batchmates in college are now lawyers, doctors and supervisors in corporations. My sister and cousins, younger than me, are now embarking on careers of their own. Those I know, older than me, manage a greater number of people and hold such titles as Manager and Specialist.

As for me, I am at my fourth job (technically) and with still no clear direction of which career path I am taking. This predicament has been a source of stress and panic for me the past months and who could blame me? I was scared, terrified actually, to just realize one day that all these years was just a waste of time because ultimately, I had a job that I wasn’t good at or that I didn’t even like.

I was beginning to look back during college, when I thought I had everything figured out. When I graduated, I believed that the hardest part was over, or in other words, real life was going to be a piece of cake. Boy, was I wrong.

I wanted my life to be almost perfect, to run smoothly along its course, to NOT be difficult. But, now, five years later, life has not been a smooth course for me. And I have as many questions now (or even more) than I did before.

Yesterday, after a climactic fight and many tears, I truly begin to realize what I posted awhile back, that quote by Rainer Maria Rilke: Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.

My life is full of questions. Some, about to be answered and replaced by even more questions. But not knowing is actually good. It’s actually fun, trying to discover many things and learn from your life experiences. With faith in my heart that God will provide and send me EXACTLY what I need at the EXACT moment I need it, I need not go through this journey with doubt and fear.

And now, I think, all my jobs have been preparing me for something else. I don’t know what it is, but I will try to just live the questions I may have at the moment. If there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that the future will make sense. Everything that is happening to me now and everything that has happened in the past WILL MAKE SENSE.

I am just thankful because if I chose differently at any time in my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today.