on weddings

Last Monday, we attended the bridal shower of one of our co-teachers. It was an intimate affair, only around 12 of her closest friends. And one thing I noticed was that my about-to-be-married friend was blooming. She looked happy.

Unconsciously, (or probably consciously though I’m not one to admit) I had been thinking about weddings, particularly my own. Last weekend, I purchased a Martha Stewart Weddings magazine (saying that I just wanted to read it). And months before, I reserved a journal page with tidbits of information on how I wanted my wedding to be, writing in a little something whenever an idea struck. The week before, I ran a program at MMLDC and I inconspicuously took a copy of their wedding packages from the front office. The past week, I also started my ten-year plan in excel, outlining costs for every major activity in my timeline, including a wedding (250k).

So I guess I’ve been thinking more about weddings, family and all.

I didn’t think that I would come to this point. On our last anniversary, Mark was kinda broaching the subject which I ignored, avoided and eventually had to plead to him to postpone talking about it first. I knew then that I was not ready, that I needed more time. Even if we didn’t say it, deep inside, he and I were both scared that maybe, I would never be ready.

But God has a way of working out kinks in your life and sending you just enough experiences to prepare you for what He plans for you. We are looking at stable times ahead in terms of finances and career (issue # 1 for me). After being apart for nine months, our relationship is much stronger and trust has been rebuilt and fortified (issue # 2). Our families have also seen how we have matured individually and as a couple, that I just know they’re happy at the way things are moving along (issue # 3).

I have attended weddings here and there and people always, always ask when am I going to tie the knot. As if they knew I had it in me, and that the time is now.

Yesterday, another friend and I were exchanging emails about bridal showers and the whole shebang. I knew marriage was her thing (despite being single) and that she had the dream of a family: a house, a car, kids and a dog. She surprised me by saying that she has slowly accepted that she was meant to be single. She said that she focused on wanting it for a long time that she ignored God’s signs telling her that single-blessedness was the path meant for her.

I thought about how scared I was of committing to this lifetime partnership because of the many uncertainties it brings. And I realized that God also gave me this yearning to be a mom and a wife. But more than that He bestowed blessings of a wonderful person/partner, two supportive and loving families and just enough security to tell me that, it’s ok.

It won’t be perfect. It won’t be easy. But as all married people tell me, the happiness of a family outweighs all the difficulties.

And so, I think I know why my about-to-be-married friend was blooming. It’s because of the anticipation of a wonderful lifetime ahead. I can only expect I’ll be just as happy when it’s my time.

on courage

Life shrinks and expands in proportion to one’s courage.
- Anais Nin

After coming across this quote, it struck me, how true it was. Where life is a seemingly endless routine of everyday things, with regular interruptions of rest and sleep, and just that: you may find someone who complains a lot or maybe is irritable or just plain boring. But where life is passion and every day is made into something new, you will find a person who’s happy and in its true essence, alive!

This led me to thinking on how does one seek courage? And I got to thinking about my life…what courageous things have I done, and would like to do?

I have, courageously…
1. climbed many mountains.
2. gone snorkeling.
3. sled down a swimming pool slide.
4. spoke in public.
5. drove a car by myself for the first time.
6. resigned from my job without knowing where I was going.
7. stood up for my rights and asserted myself.
8. traveled to Sagada, Cebu and Bohol.
9. walked across a two-rope bridge and jumped off at the end of it (with a harness of course).


I hope to, courageously…
1. get married.
2. have children.
3. learn how to swim.
4. follow my passion and risk for my dreams.
5. wear a swimsuit without the shorts and walk across a beach.
6. ride a motorcycle.
7. travel to a foreign land (even if I don’t speak a word of their language).
8. complete all ropes courses in MMLDC.
9. complete an MA degree.
10. cook a full meal down to the dessert and be proud of it.


Life will present to us what we seek for. And if we are open to the adventures that present themselves to us, we’ll discover a whole new life that is truly worth living.

something to mull over

Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.

-Rainer Maria Rilke (as translated by Stephen Mitchell)